Unraveling the mystery of our feeling of love…

Image subject to copyright. Credit Penn State University

At its very its foundation, all human activity is to seek and secure physiological/emotional continuity.

Suddenly, without notice, expectation or anticipation, we feel attracted to someone. We cannot explain it – the “feeling” of “something mysterious” is there. We cannot define it.

As we get to know the person, our intellect kicks in and we begin to assign and associate word strings and concepts of how we feel and express our overall sensation or emotion: “I love you.” This represents a tremendous sense of wellbeing.

This is confusing, because we use this word string communication for both receiving and offering emotions. The brain is capable of only two emotions – reacting to perception and expressing wellbeing or disquiet. All communications we convey, such as happiness, grief, disappointment or anger, etc., are merely expressions of these two emotions.

When we feel and express this internal, “mysterious” emotion of love, all we are revealing is that we perceive ourselves to be secure, safe, protected and nurtured. This is reference to (unconsciously) our physiological/emotional state.

In other words, when we convey to a partner or friend that we love them, because we feel good, what we should understand is that we are expressing a strong sense of our wellbeing.

When we convey to a partner or friend that we love them, because we are reassuring them, we should understand we are expressing that we will offer them security, safety, protection and nurturing. This results in their perception of wellbeing.

 Where does this potential or actual feeling of love come from and what is it? It is all the physiological/emotional nurturing, protection and support that our parents express and bestow on us – nothing more, nor less.

When we are attracted to and smitten by someone, we simply perceive that we can potentially or actually receive and continue familial nurturing, protection and support. We have a mistaken view that, because we are “adults,” our need for love and its properties are transformed from childish needs to adult needs.

Our adult needs, their intensity and qualities are the same. All that changes is the source. There should be no shame in that.

Is that all there is? Yes. Does this diminish our need for or the imagined power of love? No. It does strip its delusions that poets, writers and philosophers have created over the centuries.

Does this simple and realistic re-definition of love take away the emotions we feel or the passion of a relationship? No. We can romanticize to any extent and will always fantasize (require) nurturing and protection.

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